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Monday, April 11th, 2005
6:48 pm - some simon and garfunkel song
Through the corridors of sleep
Past the shadows dark and deep
My mind dances and leaps in confusion.
I don't know what is real,
I can't touch what I feel
And I hide behind the shield of my illusion.

So I'll continue to continue to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall.

The mirror on my wall
Casts an image dark and small
But I'm not sure at all it's my reflection.
I am blinded by the light
Of God and truth and right
And I wander in the night without direction.

So I'll continue to continue to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall.

It's no matter if you're born
To play the King or pawn
For the line is thinly drawn 'tween joy and sorrow,
So my fantasy
Becomes reality,
And I must be what I must be and face tomorrow.

So I'll continue to continue to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall.

current mood: contemplative

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Thursday, March 17th, 2005
7:56 pm - ...
st. patrick's day at my house:

-corn beef and cabbage

-guinness

-my mom and i listen to folk music while i do the dishes

-my dad passes out drunk on the couch by 7:30.

really pretty much like any other day, except maybe the corn beef and cabbage.

current mood: nauseated

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Friday, March 11th, 2005
1:29 pm - only in dreams
i had some kooky dreams last night. one of them was sad because my friend forgot about me and went to a concert i was invited to and didn't care...but the second dream i had last night turned out much cooler

it was one of those 'i'm in a play but i don't know anything about it' dreams, which is scary, but it evolved into me being in this bitchin play...i got to kiss ally on stage, and we got major applause, and then i got to rip apart a set with a hammer -- apparently my character was in an abusive relationship with someone..or maybe it was her father that she hated, but anyway, she tore apart his house, while in a sexy dress, drinking a beer. it was fun and i think i should write it down.

i'm going to a play with my ally and lizzie tonight (if the snow decides to behave). also sleeping over lizzie's with both of them...kinda nervous about that, but in a good way. and my body isn't cooperating with me this weekend, if-a you catch my drift (sorry if that grossed anyone out). but even if i don't get to have any dirty fun with my girl it still will be nice seeing her. like i said before, we don't get to see each other during the week, and our schedules are so different we barely get to talk on the phone, (not to mention the fact that i suck on the phone) and i don't have internet access in my dorm room, so i can't talk to her online unless by some miracle she's online while i'm putzing around on one of the library computers. ugh, it sucks. i miss her. so yeah, looking forward to tonight.

looking forward to spring break too, sorta. i'll get to visit my grandpa in florida, which will definitely be fun (especially since now i know my body will be nice to me that week), but it'll be 5 days away from ally-- days when i'd be completely free to see her :( grr. and i probably won't be able to call her that often, long-distance and all. maybe i'll write her a postcard while i'm down there. those are always fun. but it'll still suck.

well, i guess-a that's it for now. adios.

current mood: groggy

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Friday, March 4th, 2005
12:38 pm - boo!
haven't updated in a while, so i thought it was about time.

first of all, i'm dating someone, and i love this person, and for those of you who didn't know this-- it's a girl. her name is ally and she's awesome in every way. don't get me wrong, lj people, i like boys too, but this girl is special. she makes me smile whenever i see her.

doing alright in school; my poetry class is awesome and my teacher thinks i have a lot of potential. my philosophy class is both interesting and boring-- the subject, sehr interrisant, but the teacher tends to ramble on and her accent is kind of distracting. my regular english class is cool too. it's major british authors pre-17th century. and i had no idea how raunchy they were. this teacher's cool too. she's a petite redhead who likes to talk about sex. theatre class is eh. i get to read some awesome plays but it's a lot of work. i just got assigned a group presentation on A Doll House, which i'm dreading though i've been looking forward to reading it.

matt's coming home for a few days-- looking forward to that too. haven't seen him in a while but we talk online and on the phone occasionally. not the same as having his stinky self here though.

my mom just left for her last radiation treatment-- i'm so happy for her. the side effects from the treatments have been really uncomfortable for her. they make the skin all rough and burned. we're hopefully gunna celebrate the end of it all this weekend. she'll probably be to tuckered out tonight to do anything special.

i'm a-goin to maloney later to visit my drama droogs (and my ally); i'm excited about that. it's always nice to see them. they give me hugs. then whitney, ally and i are going out to eat. should be fun, especially since i'll get to see my girl (neither of us have cars, so it's basically phone tag during the week).

what else what else....i started taking an antidepressant and i think it's working. i feel pretty good. i've also considerably cut back on my partying this semester, and that's definitely helped me get my work done. haven't had a panic attack in a while, which is splendid.

on a more annoying note, i burned myself pretty badly last week. here's what happened, proving that i am the biggest spaz in the world: i was making macaroni and cheese, and i was stiring the pasta into the boiling water, as per the directions on the box, when the water spashed my hand. on impulse, i yank my hand away from the pot. unfortunately, that hand was holding a spoon, and i ended up splashing boiling water onto my shirt, burning my poor belly. it's pretty much healed now-- just a patch of dry skin, but for the day after, it hurt so bad i had to wear my shirt like a gay cabana boy to keep it from rubbing.

well, i guess that's it for now. i'm gunna try to update more often, i promise. adios!

current mood: chipper

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Saturday, February 5th, 2005
12:50 pm - senior year of high school survey. i know, i'm a survey whore
[What year was it?]
2004

[What were your three favorite bands?]
supergrass, tom waits, the misfits

[What was your favorite outfit?]
one of my many silly/band t-shirts, and jeans that didn't pinch my fat. oh, and i did up the scarves. oh yeah. mostly as belts/tails.

[What was up with your hair?]
red, curly, long, with varying bangs -- short and red, a little longer and blonde...come to think of it, i'm not sure if i did the blonde thing before or after school ended.

[Who were your best friends?]
the people i hung out with at the walkway, all zillion of them, and my drama geek friends

[What did you do after school?]
loitered in front of burger king. oh yeah, i'm cool. either that or stayed at school for some kinda drama involvement

[Did you take the bus?]
when i had to

[Who did you have a crush on?]
not really any big ones. i thought some of my grungey skater friends were cute.

[Did you fight with your parents?]
occasionally. the parent fighting has really been at a minimun for me.

[Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?]
oh the list is far too long: ewan mcgreggor, gary oldman, scarlett johansson, james marsters, adrian paul, adam ant, billy idol, etc etc etc

[Did you smoke cigarettes?]
not as much as i do now.

[Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day because you were too nervous to find your locker?]
not because i was too nervous. i had a cubby in the chorus room, so i didn't need my locker. i don't think i used it once.

[Did you have a 'clique'?]
there were certain people i hung out with a lot.

[Did you have "The Max" like Zach Kelly and Slater?]
wha?

[Admit it, were you popular?]
in my group, cause i was one of the oldest. i know hr thought i was the shiznit.

[What did you want to be when you grew up?]
no idea. still no idea.

[Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?]
college...it's only been half a year.

current mood: hungry

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Monday, January 24th, 2005
2:37 pm - this is my favorite bowie song for this moment
david bowie -- drive in saturday

Let me put my arms
around your head
Gee, it's hot, let's go to bed
Don't forget to turn on the light
Don't laugh babe, it'll be alright
Pour me out another phone
I'll ring and see
if your friends are home
Perhaps the strange ones in the dome
Can lend us a book we can read up alone

And try to get it on like once before
When people stared in Jagger's eyes
and scored
Like the video films we saw

[CHORUS]
His name was always Buddy
And he'd shrug and ask to stay
She'd sigh like Twig the Wonder Kid
And turn her face away
She's uncertain if she likes him
But she knows she really loves him
It's a crash course for the ravers
It's a Drive-in Saturday

Jung the foreman prayed at work
That neither hands nor limbs would burst
It's hard enough to keep formation
amid this fall out saturation

Cursing at the Astronette 8
Who stands in steel
by his cabinet
He's crashing out with Sylvian
The Bureau Supply
for ageing men

With snorting head he gazes to the shore
Which once had raised a sea
that raged no more
Like the video films we saw

[CHORUS]
It's a Drive-in Saturday [repeat]

current mood: bored

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2:11 pm - boredom + me = survey time!!!
+ Known as: hannah
+ Lives in: wilk
+ Birthday: 4-23-86
+ School: SCSU
+ Religion: idunno
+ Height: 5'4"
+ Shoe size: 9 1/2
+ Hair color: red
+ Eye color: green and blue and grey

* section 2 have you ever... *

+ Cheated on someone?: nope
+ Been Cheated on?: ooohhhh yeah
+ Fallen off the bed?: probably
+ Broken someones heart?: doubt it
+ Had your heart broken?: uh huh
+ Had a dream come true?: yeah, but it was a weird dream.
+ Done something you regret?: most definitely
+ Cheated on a test?: yes


* section 3 currently *

+ Wearing?: stripey shirt, t-shirt, sweater, jeans, wet sauconys
+ Listening to?: nothing..forgot my cd player
+ Located?: buley
+ Chatting with?: mel
+ Watching?: ..the screen?
+ Should REALLY be doing?: nothing i can think of

* section 4 do you... *

+ Brush your teeth?: absofuckinlutely
+ Have any piercings?: three in left ear, two in right
+ Drive?: negative
+ Drink?: yep
+ Smoke?: yep
+ have a cell?: ci


* section 5 friends *

+ Who is your best?: renae
+ Who do you hate?: no one really
+ Who is the most talkative?: tammy
+ Who laughs the most?: me
+ Who have you known the longest?: my brother. that's right. i'm counting him as a friend
+ Who have you known the shortest?: dale and lasha
+ Do you hang out with the opposite sex?: suuure.
+ Who is the weirdest?: probably me. or jim.
+ Who is the smartest?: my brother.
+ Who is the most ghetto?: renae's sister
+ Do you trust your friends?: that kind of falls into my personal definition of the word
+ Are you a good friend?: i like to think so
+ Can you keep a secret?: uh huh

* section 6 the last person you... *

+ Hugged?: adis (sp?)
+ Kissed?: probably my mother, when she and my dad dropped me off at school
+ IMed?: mel
+ Talked on the phone: madre
+ Yelled at?: don't remember
+ Hated? that's a toughy. i really don't remember that one either.

* section 7 personal *

+ What do you want to be when you grow up?: happy
+ What has been the best day of your life?: what comes to mind right now is opening night for moon over buffalo
+ What comes first in your life?: the quest for enlightenment and love
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: many crushes
+ What are you most scared of?: maggots and rejection.
+ what do you think about before you go to bed at night?: everything-- my mind wanders.
+ Did you lose someone you really loved?: Lost as in dead?: yes, my grandma, a few years ago.
+ How many times have you fallen in love?: 0
+ Love your family?: yes
+ Love your friends?: the close ones.
+ Are you a virgin?: sadly, yes.

* section 8 favorite *

+ Movie: dr. strangelove or: how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb. that's right, that's the whole friggin title
+ Song: at the moment...one of a handfull of tracks on the velvet goldmine soundtrack
+ Band: supergrass
+ Store: anything cheap
+ Relative: if i don't say megan, she'll beat me, so..MEGAN!
+ Sport: tonsel hockey. teehee
+ Ice Cream Flavor: mint chocolate chip
+ Fruit: clementine
+ Candy: starburst
+ Day of the Week: saturday
+ Time: really really late at night/early in the morning.
+ Color: orange, pink
+ Name for a Girl: sophia
+ Name for a Boy: sean -- promised my mother an 's' name after my grandma selma.



* section 9 do you *

+ Like to give hugs?: yes!
+ Like to give kisses?: uh huh!
+ Like to walk in the rain?: when it's not too cold
+ Prefer black or blue pens?: black
+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: fall asleep on my side, but if i wake up and roll over, anything goes.
+ Have a goldfish?: no?
+ Ever have the falling dream?: i think so
+ Have stuffed animals?: yeah, but they're all on my bookshelf at home.


* section 10 what do you think about... *

+ Abortion: pro choice
+ Suicide: makes me angry, but i am pro- assisted suicide.
+ Smoking: bad habit.
+ Eating disorders: the media sure fucks up so many girls' perceptions of beauty.
+ Summer: warm weather and frizzy hair.
+ Tattoos: like em. especially on cute boys.
+ Piercings: like em. especially on cute boys.



* section 11 this or that *

+ Pierced nose or tongue?: tongue on someone i'm kissing, nose on me.
+ Single or taken?: i'm painfully single
+ MTV or BET?: blech
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: also blech
+ Sugar or salt?: Sugar
+ Silver or gold?: Silver
+ Chocolate or flowers?: flowers-- preferably lillies
+ Color or Black-and-white photos?: black and white baby
+ M&Ms or Skittles?: M&Ms
+ Stay up late or sleep in?: can't i have both?
+ Hot or cold?: cold. hot means sweaty. xp
+ Mustard or ketchup?: depends on the meal
+ Spring or Fall?: Fall
+ Happy or sad?: Happy
+ Wonder or amazement?: Wonder
+ Mexican or Italian food?: mexican
+ Lights on or off?: Off
+ Candy or Soda?: Soda
+ Pepsi or Coke? coke

current mood: bored

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Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
8:45 pm - back at school.
today was alright. moved back on campus, hung out with dale, lasha, and cloe. went to dinner with them. at the moment i am in lasha's room-- alone. dale scampered off to wash her hands and lasha keeps popping in and out. it feels pretty nice to be back, except for the bitter cold. i think this will be a better semester for me..aside from the obsenely early classes. and it's botany, of all things. not looking forward to that. but i have a bigger room, and i'm living with dale...wilk seems cool

well, i guess that's it for now.

p.s. i like jello shots.

p.p.s. if anyone wants to hang out on campus gimme a call. you should have my number if you're cool.

current mood: content

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Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
10:47 pm - eek
this has been a terrible week so far. yesterday i was incredibly sick. today i'm a bit better but my nose is soooo chapped from blowing it. and my throat hurts from coughing.

i need a cuddle.

current mood: sick

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Friday, January 14th, 2005
11:07 am
Erase my x's and put an x next to the things you've done... (anything in parenthesis i added

(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
( ) saw a shooting star
( ) been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
(x) done drugs
(x) had alcohol
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) made out in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x) kicked a guy where it hurts.
( ) been in love
( ) had a member of the opposite sex tell you they love you
( ) told a member of the opposite sex that you loved them
( ) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) flashed someone
(x) saw a therapist
(x) played spin the bottle
( ) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) stole something from your job
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) dated a red head
(x) dated a blonde
( ) dated a brunette
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
( ) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) Been moshing at a rock show
( ) Been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
( ) run at least 12 miles a day
(x) play(ed) an instrument
( ) have been on the computer for 16 hours straight without a break
( ) stood up for a so-called "loser" kid in school
( ) at one time collected pokemon
(x) played with pollypocket
(x) had a gigapet
(x) seen yourself naked
( ) rolled down a hill in a barrel
( ) held up traffic for fun

current mood: sleepy

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Thursday, January 13th, 2005
6:20 pm
i pray i'm never like my parents.

current mood: melancholy

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Sunday, January 9th, 2005
4:57 pm - a survey. how unexpected of me.
Body: ABC'S
A - Act your age: 18
B - Born on what day of the week: wednesday
C - Chore you hate: washing dishes
D - Dad's name? timothy
E - Essential makeup item? dark eyes
F - Favorite actor? goeffrey rush
G - Gold or silver? silver
H - Hometown? meriden
I - Instruments you play? voice and a teensy bit o' piano
J - Job title? student/bum
K - Kids? negatory
L - Living arrangements? with da rents and at school
M - Mom's name? kathy
N - Number of states you've lived? 1
O - Overnight hospital stays? none
P - Phobia? bugs, especially spiders and maggots...and yes, i know spiders aren't technically bugs. also rejection.
Q - Quote you like? "we cross our bridges when we come to them, and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress but the memory of the smell of smoke and the presumption that once our eyes watered." -- tom stoppard
R - Religion? um....probably the closest thing is a deist.
T - Time you wake up? when i have no plans, late late late
U - Unique habit? sucking on my pinky nail
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? none i can think of. i like veggies.
W - Worst habit? smoking
X - Xena Warrior Princess: ok in extremely small doses
Y - Yummy food you make? i make a mean bowl of ramen noodles.
Z - Zodiac Sign? taurus


Five bands you've been listening a lot to lately:
1. david bowie
2. the venus in furs
3. roxy music
4. t-rex
5. supergrass

Nine things you look forward to:
1. losing weight
2. Getting some sleep
3. upcoming par-tay
4. seeing a play
5. dinner
6. the season premier of carnavale...i'm a dork
7. my shirt to come in the mail..if it ever does.
8. coffee
9. seeing the graduate

Eight things you like to wear:
1. jeans that don't pinch my flub
2. my hippie slippers
3. all my funky t-shirts
4. my kick ass snow boots
5. my suade coat
6. scarves
7. pins
8. cheap clunky jewelry

Seven things that annoy you:
1. people who walk/drive slowly in front of me
2. the media's tactical dumbing-down
3. unruly children
4. my parents making noise when i'm trying to read
5. pain/stiffness caused only by awkward sleep...damn couch.
6. my belly
7. my skin

Six things you say most often:
1. neato
2. icky
3. that's ignorant
4. idunno davey
5. hi guy
6. up your cornhole

Five things you do everyday:
1. bathe
2. brush my teefers
3. eat
4. smoke (i know i know)
5. laugh

Four people/groups you want to spend more time with:
1. brandon
2. ally (along with the maloney crew)
3. tara, cause she disappeared for a year.
4. umm....my invisible friend fernando.

Three movies you could watch over and over again:
1. the princess bride
2. dracula: dead and loving it
3. die hard

Two of your favorite songs at the moment:
1. baby's on fire -- the venus in furs
2. ballad of maxwell demon -- shudder to think

current mood: exhausted

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Monday, January 3rd, 2005
3:08 pm - i feel the need to post this picture



current mood: bored

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Saturday, January 1st, 2005
12:38 pm - damn you melbot!
WHAT IF ......
» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:

» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

current mood: ditzy

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Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
2:06 pm - hey let's do it like we're friends, let's do it do it
you ever accidentally put on your underpants inside-out, then realize it when you go to the bathroom?

current mood: crazy

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Sunday, December 26th, 2004
8:28 pm - i'm odd
the other day at work, while overhearing some teenagers talk about clothes, i thought up a hypothetical conversation i'd would one day have with one of my children:

future child: mom, why won't you let me shop at this store?

me: because, son/daughter, that store breeds mindless consumerism and feeds off of adolescents' inherent need to be accepted and fit in. the people who shop there not only ruin the years they need to mold their own personalities and find their individual voices, but run the risk of one day losing the capacity to fully think for themselves as well. they agree with whatever the media tells them. 'yes, that is the shirt i must wear to be loved,' and 'yes, the government always does what's best for the people and those who disagree are strange and frightening, not to mention whiny neurotics.'

future child: but what about those stores that sell punk clothes?

me: those aren't much better. they mass produce logos and call it punk. sweetie, punk is not consumerism. granted, some of their products are silly and fun, but the corporations behind those stores again feed off of the psychological needs of teen-agers. they realize that there are those who realize they don't want to fit in; feel the need to rebel, and those teens, especially those who live in the suburbs and have no means to express their likes and opinions through clothes other than the local mall. it's all supply and demand, sweetie. they realize that these kids have no other choice, so they can overprice everything rediculously and people will still buy their products. you could spend your money, my money, on something much more useful that still still expresses your indiviuality. like drugs. good night pumpkin.

current mood: hungry

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2:41 pm - this should quench my thirst for surveys for a while
What is your name: hannah
Spell it backwards: hannah hehe
Nicknames: hannada, stinkoman, chumpzilla, hr, kit kat
What does your screename stand for: atomic is a blondie song i like, 0423 is my birthday
How about journal name: same
Would you name a child of yours after you: no, it's bad luck
Your gender: female
Straight/Gay/Bi: eh. heteroflexible
Single? painfully
Birthdate: 4/23/86
Age you act: idunno?
Age you wish you were: 21 or older
Astrological sign? taurus
Your height: 5'4"
Eye color: bluey grayish green
Happy with it? sometimes
Hair color: light red....ok orange
Happy with it? eh. it's kinda dull right now.
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: southpaw
Where do you live now: meriden
Have any pets?: casey the dog
What's your job: student and at the moment i fold clothes at filene's.
Tattoos: none yet
Shoe size: 9 1/2...i'm a sasquatch
Obsessions? too many to list
Do you speak another language? a little german

Currents
Clothing: black t-shirt, black long sleeve over that, kakhi's, and black shoes
Mood: tired
Taste: cashews
Hair: all over the place, as usual
Annoyance: my soup being too hot
Smell: ramen
Jewlery: red plastic bracelet, watch, 3 rings, skeleton earrings, handcuff earring, barbell earrings

Thing
Refreshment: diet coke
Worry: that i have to get up early tomorrow
Crush: no comment
Longing: ...no comment
Music: right now, none
Wish: same as the longie
Makeup: mascara, eye liner, red eye shadow, facial powder, and blush
Undergarments: pale yellow bra and red panties
Regret: that my bra broke today
Desktop picture: a poster pic of blacula
Plans for tonight/weekend: tonight: get to bed early cuz i gotta get up at 8 tomorrow *sigh*. this weekend: new years par-tay, strip clup with whitney
Amusement: i'm watching tv if that counts
Avoidance: idunno

Deep Thoughts about Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment? no. i'm always pining and planning
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? yeah, unless that person's a jerk!
Do you hate yourself? occasionally
Do you like your handwriting? when i try to make it neat
Do you have any bad habits? ohhh yeah-- i procrastinate, i smoke, i pop my pimples, i eat bad food..the list goes on and on
What is the compliment you get from most people? stuff about my hair
Can you sing? i used to be able to sing pretty damn well, but now i'm outa practice. my voice is still ok but i can't go as high as i used to
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? sorta..occasionally i'll wear really weird clothes and act all glamorous. hehe, i'm a dork
Are you a loner? yeah, and i don't like it
What are your top priorities in life? finishing school, finding love, finding fun
If you were another person, would you be friends with you? idunno...i don't make very good first impressions, so i don't know if i'd take the time to get to know me, but if i did, i'd think i was a pretty cool person
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? my gut or my skin
Do you think you are emotionally strong? not when it comes to myself, but other than that, yeah
Do you think life has been good so far? no
What is the most important lesson you’ve learned in life? waiting will never get you what you want
Are you confident? on rare occasions

The Last...
Car ride: an hour ago, from work
Last time you cried: don't remember..not too long ago
Last movie seen: i'm watching young guns 2 right now
Last movie rented: stepford wives
Last word said: slaughter
Last time you laughed: on the car ride home, thinking about how my brother giggles like a little girl
Last phone call: calling home for my ride from work
Last CD played: velvet goldmine soundtrack
Last song you listened to: the venus in furs -- baby's on fire
Last annoyance: my back hurting
Last kiss: ugh, too long
Last person you hugged: jim
Last person you yelled at: probably my brother
Last time you wore a skirt: don't remember..but if it counts, i was planning on wearing one new years eve
Last time you fought with your parents: odn't recall
Last time you wished upon a star: a couple weeks ago...i do it a lot
Played Truth or Dare: dunno
Spent quality time alone: right now?
Person you laughed with?: my brother
Person who broke your heart?: no comment
Person who told you they loved you?: haha my mom

In the past month have you...
Gone out of state: no
Drank alcohol: yes
Smoked: yep
Gotten high: uh huh
Done any drugs: see above
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: gladly no
Been on stage: not in december
Gone skinny dipping: it's too cold!
Been dumped: no
Stolen anything: not that i remember

Have you ever...
danced in the rain: sorta
drank alcohol: uh huh
slept around: hahahahahahahahahahahahah....anyway, no
partied 'til the sun came up: sorta
had a movie marathon: hehe yep
gone too far on a dare: no, i'm a chicken
fallen for your friend's boyfriend/girlfriend?: oh yeah
actually kissed someone who was JUST a friend?: yeah, but that doesn't mean i wasn't attracted to him...or her
been used?: :(
been cheated on?: :(
been kissed?: thankfully
done something you regret?: absolutely. if i didn't, then i wouldn't have lived well at all
fallen for a friend?: sure

The future
Age your plan to be married: how the hell should i know?
Number and names of children: at least one, either sean or sophia...has to be an 's' name after my grandma selma
Where will you be in 10 years: 10 years thata way
Dream wedding: barefoot but formal beach wedding, or in vegas, with the ceremony performed by a naked elvis impersonator
Dream job: writer
Place you'd like to visit: all of western europe

Family
How many siblings do you have: 1
Where are your parents from: new york
Is your family close: my mom's side is. my dad's family barely talks to each other, but they have wicked parties
Does your family get together for holidays: not the christian ones. my mom's side (the jewish side) does
Do you have any nieces or nephews: not unless jessica's cat counts
Do you have step parents: nope
Has your family ever disowned another member of your family: not legally, but my grandpa and my aunt don't talk.
Did some of your family come to America from another country: that's kind of a stupid question. unless they were native americans then everyone's family would...anyway, my dad's family came from ireland, germany, and england (maybe scotland), and my mom's came from austria, hungary, russia, poland, etc.

Favorites
Color: oange.. like a tangeriney pink orange
Song: there is no one answer for taht
Show: family guy, i guess
School subject: last semester i really liked my theatre class
Band/singer/artist: tom waits, supergrass. hehe they're so different
Radio station: 99.1
Movie: no one answer for this either
Pair of shoes: black and red sauconys
Cartoon: simpsons
Potato chip: doritos or utz crab chips
Drink: diet coke, water
Soda: diet coke
Holiday: thanksgiving. it's a big party that's not religiously affiliated!
Pizza topping: mushroom or pineapple...but never together
Jello flavor: lemon
Card Game: ...bullshit?
Video game: tetris
Book: kurt vonnegut, jr. -- breakfast of champions
Computer game: snood
Number: 28
Cereal: rice crispies
Comedian: patton oswald and eddie izzard
Disney character: um...the one that isn't lame?
Clothing store: whatever's cheap and cool
Pasttime: computer shit, music, theater
Childhood toy: dior. this blue stuffed dinosaur. i couldn't pronounce dinosaur so i called him dior (die-or)
Candy bar: milky way
Thing to do on the weekend: sleep late and hang out with friends
Hot drink: coffee
Season: spring or fall

Your Bedroom/Sleeping Habits
What color are your sheets: mint green, with dark blue blankets. and the stuff i bring to school is orange and pink
What color are your bedroom walls: mint green
Do you have posters on your wall: lots: bart simpson with a chalkboard, the clash, a group shot of a bunch of simpsons characters, a scene from southpark, dr. evil, and lots of little things. i have a couple poster i'm gunna bring to school too that aren't on my walls right now: david bowie, ramones, and alex from a clockwork orange
If so of what: bart simpson with a chalkboard, the clash, a group shot of a bunch of simpsons characters, a scene from southpark, dr. evil, and lots of little things. i have a couple poster i'm gunna bring to school too that aren't on my walls right now: david bowie, ramones, and alex from a clockwork orange
How many pillows are on your bed: 3
What do you normally sleep in?: a t-shirt and pj pants in the winter, or t-shirt and panties in the summer
Describe your favorite pair of pajamas: i like wearing my pink plaid pants with my strong sad shirt
What size bed do you have: twin :( i like big beds
Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom: i used to, but my folks disconnected it when i went to school. i have a cell though
Describe the last nightmare you had: last night...it had something to do with big freaky bats with crazy eyes
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: no
How many people can sleep comfortably in your bed: one
Any unusual sleeping positions: i can only fall asleep on my side, but once i do that, if i wake up and roll over, i can pretty much sleep in any position
Do you snore: when i sleep on my back. it's really a commong thing.
Do you have an alarm clock in your room: ci
What color is the carpet in your room: dingy colored.
What's under your bed: purses and a couple sweaters

This or that
Doughnuts/bagels: bagels
Day/night: night
Heaven/hell: Heaven
Make love/have sex: Make love
Coffee/tea: coffee
Hamburgers/hotdogs: hamburgers with lotsa fixins.
Sweet/sour: Sour
Hot/cold: cold
Winter/summer: winter
Spring/fall: spring
Read/watch tv: depends on the book/show
CDs/tapes: CDs
DVDs/vhs: DVDs
Shorts/skirts: skirts. i never ever wear shorts
Colored pictures/black and white photos: black and white
Meat/vegetables: veggies. i like to pretend to be healthy
Mexican food/chinese food: chinese
Scary movies/comedies: scary
Sandals/tennis shoes: sandals
Water/land: Water
Sugar/spice: spice
Chicken/beef: Chicken
Cars/trucks: cars. small and fast
Passionate kiss/peck: is this a trick question?
Pens/pencils: depends on the use. i like writing with pens, drawing with pencils

Best
Kiss? in my basement, with a friend, after a joint. you know who you are.
Recent Romantic Event? the only recent one is listed above

Randomness
Do you believe in aliens: it's a big universe. i'm sure there's life out there somewhere. not sure about the little green men though
Name three things that are next to your computer: cig, candles, bowl of stocking candy
Do you have any hidden talents: i can flip my tongue upside down
Do you wish MTV would play music videos: not really. even if they did, it still wouldn't be the music i like
If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be: a black comedy
Do you play any sports? ...darts?
What's the scariest movie you've ever seen: poltergeist, the ring. hey megan, ya know a friend of grandma's lives in the amityville house?
What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently: napoleon dynamite
What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen: battlefield earth
Do you drive: no :(
Would you ever sky dive: sure
Do you believe in Bigfoot: i believe there are still animals on the planet man hasn't found yet...there might be a really highly-developed ape in there somewhere
Are you afraid of roller coasters: i love em, but i have bad back so i havne't risked one in a while
Do you believe in God: i believe in an afterlife(?)
Do you believe in Satan: eh
Do you have a pool: i did untill last winter :(
Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen: a broken one lol
Do you like chocolate: oh yeah
Who/what is on your 2004 calendar: i don't have one. i had a school calender untill the summer...the damn thing stopped at august
How many U.S. states have you been to: 5-- ct, ny, pa, fl, and nj. i went though a lot when i took the train to florida, but i don't think that counts
Ever wished on a shooting star: hehe yes
What is your weakness: i have a lot
How do you release stress: sing, eat
Do you consider yourself a trendy person: have you seen me?
Are you an artistic person: i think so
Are you a realistic person?: no. i'm an idealist
Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off: only when i need to
Are you a strong person: haha
Are you a strong willed person: god no
Who is the last person to e-mail you: idunno, probably my mom
Who is the last person to IM you? brandon
Do you hate chain e-mails: yes! as rational as i am, they still freak me out.
Are you a deep sleeper: no
Are you a good story teller: in writing
What is your greatest accomplishment: i don't know.
Do you like to burn candles or incense: yes, both
Do you have your own credit card: i have a debit card, if that counts
Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do with all that money?: depends. i have a lot of debt to pay off for college, so if i still had that then it'd to there. whatever's left i'd spend on myself and my family
Do you have a check book: yeah, never use it though
Do you like your drivers license: i don't have one, but i don't like my i.d...i'm making a weird face and my hair is huge
Do you tan easily: i freckle more than anything
What color is your hair naturally: kinda like a penny
How many fillings do you have: one i think
How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit: none
Worst feeling in the world?: there's no one answer to that
Best feeling in the world: orgasm?
Is the glass half empty or half full: full
Last thing you downloaded: snood
Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life?: absolutely not. i barely use them online. only brb, lol..shit like that
Are you a likeable person: once ya get to know me, sure
Do you love your bf/gf: i'm sure if i had one, i'd like him at least.
When are you moving: i'm moving back on campus 1/23
Was this the longest survey you've ever taken: ...probably. my soup got cold before i finished.

current mood: bored

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Saturday, December 25th, 2004
4:21 pm - all the young dudes -- david bowie
Billy rapped all night 'bout his suicide
How he'd kick it in the head when he was 25
Don't wanna stay alive when you're 25

Wendy's stealing clothes from unlocked cars
Freddy's got spots from ripping off stars from his face
Funky little boat race
The television man is crazy
Saying we're juvenile delinquent wrecks
Man I need a TV when I've got T. Rex
Hey brother you guessed
I'm a dude

All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news

Now Jimmy looking sweet though he dresses like a queen
He can kick like a mule
It's a real mean team
We can love
Oh we can love
And my brother's back at home
With his Beatles and his Stones
We never got if off on that revolution stuff
What a drag
Too many snags
Well I drunk a lot of wine
And I'm feeling fine
Gonna race some cat to bed
Is this concrete all around
Or is it in my head
Oh brother you guessed
I'm a dude

All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news
All the young dudes
Carry the news
Boogaloo dudes
Carry the news...

current mood: accomplished

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Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
8:45 pm - we've lost response. what's happened to the EEG output?
update time!!!

so i've been working at filene's. it's been ok, other than that my feet are screaming at me. haven't really had time for anything else the past few days. i get up, go to work, come home, chill for a couple hours, and sleep. rinse and repeat.

christmas is in two days. woo.

not really. i've gotten so sick of christmas cheer. and after i'm done at filene's, if i hear one more christmas song i'm gunna kill everyone in sight.

not looking forward to new years. another one without anyone to kiss. always depressing.

current mood: lonely

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Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
10:03 pm - i'm a surveyaholic. that's right. i'm addicted to surveyahol
.Thirteen random things you like.
01) nail polish
02) eye liner
03) nachos
04) adam ant
05) blondie
06) funky socks
07) t-shirts with cartoons or bands on them
08) pants that make my ass look ok
09) fruit flavored chapstick
10) sleep
11) vampire movies
12) funny raunchy books
13) porn

.Twelve Movies.
01) dr. strangelove or: how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb
02) shine
03) quills
04) the big lebowski
05) trainspotting
06) the princess bride
07) the pianist
08) laurence of arabia
09) star trek 2: wrath of kahn
10) old school
11) beteljuice
12) chasing amy

.Eleven Artists/Bands.
01) t rex
02) adam ant
03) blondie
04) supergrass
05) tom waits
06) pink floyd
07) rolling stones
08) tom petty and the heartbreakers
09) the cars
10) superdrag
11) siouxsie and the banshees

.Ten things on your computer desk.
01) remote
02) pack o' cigarettes
03) lighter
04) ash tray
05) sunglasses
06) post its
07) speakers
08) mouse
09) printer
10) um...mouse pad

.Nine Good Friends. [in no order]
01) renae
02) trevor
03) heatherross
04) ally
05) whitney
06) dj
07) cassie (though i haven't talked to her in a while)
08) hmmm...i have some friends i made this semester, but i haven't known them long enough to fit em on this list...you know who you are.
09) guess that's it

.Eight Favorite Foods.
01) mango
02) canolis
03) baked ziti
04) apple pie
05) coffee cake
06) nachos
07) refried bean burritos
08) chicken flourentine

.Seven Things You Wear Daily.
01) earrings
02) rings
03) glasses
04) bra
05) shoes
06) shirt
07) pants or skirt, or both on occasion

.Six Things That Annoy You.
01) crowds
02) people who are oblivious of other people
03) none of the boys i like like me back
04) rude customers
05) media that caters to the stupid
06) people who are obsessed with the wealthy and the media that feeds this unhealthy obsession

.Five Things You Touch Daily.
01) my hair
02) cigs
03) facial cleanser
04) tooth brush
05) door knobs

.Four TV Shows You Watch.
01) south park
02) family guy
03) futurama
04) law and order: special victims unit

.Three Celebrities You Have a Crush on.
01) gaz coombes
02) ewan mcgreggor
03) noah wiley

.Two Things You Can't Live Without.
01) water
02) food

.Name One Thing You Want More Than Anything.
01) some lovin

current mood: bored

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